As Cabinet haemorrhages continue, Larry the Downing Street cat put on standby

Larry is expected to jump at the chance

With yet another hapless minister being shown the door, Larry the Downing Street cat is standing by, in the expectation that he’ll get a Cabinet post later this week.

The PM hopes that Larry will help dispose of some of the larger rats before they abandon the sinking ship. “He’s not actually very good at it” admitted press secretary James Slack “but then again David Davis and Jeremy Hunt haven’t set the bar very high.”

“Larry’s a safe pair of paws though,” insists Slack “used to shitting in public, then half-heartedly trying to cover it up, so he should fit in well with Boris Johnson.”

“Of course, Larry’s already been neutered and the PM wants to see if that helps avoid any further sex scandals.” Johnson is said to be first on the list for the roll-out of a full scale trial, if it proves effective.

“Or ineffective, in fact”, added Slack “Theresa didn’t seem to care which way it went, she just cracked her knuckles and gave a little chuckle. It’s the happiest she’s been since the election.”