Sun’s equal op’s policy sees Kelvin MacKenzie offend every Everton fan

Kelvin MacKenzie, what’s not to like?

The thing you trod in but can’t scrape off your boots however hard you try in human form, Kelvin MacKenzie, has applied the Sun’s equal op’s policy and compared Everton’s Ross Barclay, who has Nigerian heritage, to a gorilla at a zoo.

MacKenzie had been worried that there might yet be some in the city of Liverpool who he hadn’t offended by printing a series of lies about the Hillsborough disaster.

“You know, idiots or those who are both  blind and deaf. Maybe someone with severe dementia or in a persistent vegetative state.” explained a concerned MacKenzie, who sets great store by journalistice integrity.

With his sleep increasingly disrupted by that worry, he finally bit the bullet and evened things up across the city, by publishing some further hate-filled bile.

“Luckily the Sun had a nice shot of a gorilla in its picture library and a quick-witted sub editor stuck that up next to my piece.I felt so much better after I’d got it off my chest and I expect to get the full eight hours tonight.That’s the main thing, though I am rather hoping for a Pulitzer nomination. Fingers crossed, wish me luck!”