Piers Morgan quits humanity after criticism

Sneery McSneerface

Piers Morgan has pulled out of existing after a campaign to remove him from the planet raised two hundred signatures, nearly as many as watch ITV’s Good Morning Britain, which he hosts.

In a statement on his Facebook page, Mr Morgan, a former newspaper editor, said he had planned to go on living “for fun” but that a campaign to have him “banned” had been launched. He said it criticised his creative credentials, which was clearly nonsense in the light of his creative description of insider share dealing and telephone hacking, and suggested he did not “understand a social movement that values equality and diversity of voice”.

“Apparently, this movement does not extend to tolerating my own diverse voice,” he said, his trembling voice barely audible above the cheering throng.

Mr Morgan closed by wished the living good luck but “didn’t want to distract from normal people with civilised views, who want to create a harmonious society.”