RAF parcel bombing will deliver “authentic Black Friday experience”


“Sorry you were out when we called. It’s in the back. Of beyond.”

The RAF will deliver all Harold’s on-line Black Friday orders in one big drop on Monday morning; from 10,000 feet.

Villagers too lazy to go to Dunstable but wanting authentic Black Friday fun will still get the experience by packing into the 5-a-side pitch like sardines, and having a shed-load of multi-coloured tat dropped on their heads.

“We’d hoped to get low level runs along the River Gluggle by the Battle of Britain Memorial flight.” said former Bond girl, animal sanctuary owner Emilie Bourdain.

“But they can’t fly that low now; not since the unpleasantness with the dams. Do you remember the film, with Dickie Todd? He did his own stunts you know but I don’t think  he flew the plane. I do know he didn’t play the bouncing bomb.”

Mayor Rufus D. Jackson issued the following statement: “All Viking villagers are reminded that shite falling from the sky is commerce and not a judgement from Tyr. PC Flegg says you are to stay calm and have some mead. Anyone declaring war on the heavens (again) will be tasered in the face”.

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