New legislation outlaws any drug with less than 30% tax


“That is an unfortunate political decision.”

Any drug that has a psychoactive effect and dangerously low tax levels will be illegal to make or sell in the UK as of today.

The move comes soon after a shop selling so-called ‘legal highs’ in Rotherham was closed down by police investigating accusations that the only tax revenue being raised was from VAT.

“About time too. You see people coming and going at all hours of the day, buying stuff that has no more tax on it than a DVD. Something needed to be done to keep people safe.” said the owner of a nearby off licence this morning, while selling twelve cans of Special Brew to a pale man with shaky hands.

An expert panel has been looking at the issue of legal highs since before 2014 and, having finally remembered what they were supposed to be doing, decided a blanket ban was the best solution. During their research the panel compared side effects to those of cannabis, and consumed just over one million pounds worth of biscuits.

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