Social Justice Warrior outrages himself

A man who said ‘take care’ as his elderly mum was leaving to catch the Tube home is now completely outraged at the misogynist, racist, ageist, victim-blaming overtones of his remark.

Paul Rhodes, unemployed, from London, is a passionate Social Justice Warrior, which made his gross breach of Warrior norms all the more galling.

“I’m outraged and massively disappointed at the complete monster I’ve become” wailed Mr Rhodes, who is painfully white.

“How could I tell my mum to ‘take care’ implying that it is her responsibility to watch out for muggers, drunk or speeding drivers, and sex offenders? I’m a victim-blamer” cried Rhodes as his tears slowly trickled down his fair trade Che Guevara t-shirt.

“And what patriarchal, ageist, racist urge made me assume she couldn’t take care of herself just fine, and that there’d be any problem just because she was walking through Brixton with its preponderance of people of colour?”

“I’ll have to go on social media and start a campaign to highlight my appalling behaviour, perhaps by a consumer boycott or an online petition which I will have no hesitation in signing myself” said Mr Rhodes.

For her part, Mrs Rhodes said she wasn’t at all offended by her son’s comment, and in fact the exhortation to ‘take care’ probably saved her life when she looked twice when crossing Brixton High Street and narrowly avoided being killed by a speeding drunk-driver.