Tories trawl Panama Papers in hunt for welfare cheat

David Cameron says he will not sleep until he’s trawled through all the Panama Papers to find someone who’s been overpaid £50 of Jobseeker’s Allowance.

“My mother always said ‘look after the pennies and the pounds will look after themselves’, so I’m determined to go through the 11 million leaked Panamanian files and catch a few welfare cheats, and rely on the super-rich to look after themselves” said Cameron.

Cameron said welfare recipients have traditionally laundered their ill-gotten gains by buying food or paying a gas bill, but they were now using sophisticated offshore structures, such as buying cheap grog in Calais.

“It’s this kind of insidious behaviour that undermines the fabric of our society” said Cameron. “We need to make a stand and say to the cheats we are coming after you whether you are big or small.”

“Well obviously we’ll start with the small ones first, because they’re the easiest, but we’ll eventually get round to the big ones too” lied Cameron.

“Oh God I hope Daddy didn’t use Mossack Fonseca.”