Liverpool announce signing of fan prepared to pay £77 for a seat


Transferred from Chelsea, now steal balls to make ends meet

Liverpool FC agreed to a transfer deal with Chelsea to sign a marque fan who is happy to pay £77 for a seat.

Liverpool commercial director Ian Ayre said the signing of London stockbroker Gavin Edwards for a fan record transfer fee of £2000 was a key step in strengthening their £77 seat capacity.

“We lack depth in the £77 seat area, and Edwards brings the qualities we are looking for in the modern fan, which is deep pockets and the ability to sit in an overpriced seat for 90 minutes without complaining” said Ayre.

“When you consider that Edwards also has a proven track record in purchasing high priced stadium food and beverages, and tacky memorabilia, he really is an excellent acquisition.”

Mr Ayre said while Liverpool want to embrace the modern fan, they won’t do so at the expense of tradition.

“We’ll teach the new fans about the great manager Bill Hinkley and the irrepressible Scottish livewire Kenny Everett. We’ll remind them not to bring copies of The Independent to the stadium.”

“Before you know it the new fans will be singing ‘You’ll never walk again’ just as loudly as that feral bunch in the cheap seats” said Ayre.

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