Blairites buy ice axe

The right wing of the Labour Party say a new-found interest in mountaineering is behind their purchase of one shiny new and very sharp ice axe.

Blairite MPs Tristram Hunt, John Woodcock, and Mike Gapes say they are sick of all the infighting caused by Jeremy Corbyn’s leadership, and a trip to the mountains is just the tonic to clear their heads.

The trio have been vocal opponents of Mr Corbyn, saying that obtaining power is more important than strict adherence to socialist principles, the sort of pragmatic approach that would have made Joseph Stalin proud. But they say they now accept that Corbyn has a mandate to lead the party, and they will support him ‘till the day he dies’.

Mr Woodcock says his passion for mountaineering was awakened when he read of a 1940 expedition to scale a 7000 feet rise in Coyoacán, Mexico, and Hunt and Gapes readily agreed to join him on a similar undertaking.

“Mountaineering has this reputation for needing lots of gear, and being complex and dangerous, but really all you need is an ice axe, an achievable objective, and attitude” said Woodcock.

“We are starting small by attempting the 423 foot North Hill in Islington. Just a short trotsky up and done and, to quote Sir Edmund Hillary, ‘we’ve knocked the bastard off’.”