France surrenders to cross-channel swimmer

The sandcastle didn’t provide enough protection, so they decided to surrender

Francois Hollande has stepped down as President with immediate effect after France surrendered unconditionally to a cross-channel swimmer.

Andrew Smith, from Basingstoke, completed the swim to raise money for charity and was stunned to be confronted by the entire French military, waving white flags, when he arrived just outside Calais.

“I knew that some of my family were going to gather at the other side to cheer me home, but as I approached it looked like there were quite a lot more people there.”, said Smith, after his 14 hour swim,

“I got out of the water and realised that it was the combined might of the French army, navy and air force, all waiting to surrender. I was a bit taken aback but accepted rule of the country with immediate effect and I have a meeting with David Cameron on Tuesday to discuss the migrant problem in Calais.”

Bizarrely it is not the first time this sort of thing has happened. In 2009 France surrendered to two men in a pedalo after they lost their bearings and came ashore in a different location to where they had hired it from.

Going further back the country was ruled between 1951 and 1955 by a large piece of driftwood that had washed ashore at Dunkirk. Still nervous from World War 2 the government of the day immediately surrendered, just to be safe.