As a tribute to Liverpool FC’s departing captain and arguably greatest ever player, Steven Gerrard, the entire city is to be demolished and rebuilt in his image.
The work will start as soon as Gerrard, the most talented footballer to ever grace the Premier League, heads to the USA to join LA Galaxy in the summer. It is expected to be completed by 2018, in time for him to return to the club and fail as a manager.
“We needed a fitting way to commemorate the best player in the whole history of football.” said Steve MacDavid, editor of the We Are Liverpool fanzine and head of the newly created Royal Society for the Recognition of Steven Gerrard.
“We initially commissioned a series of a two thousand and five giant gold statues in a reference to the European Cup win that he led us to, but that somehow didn’t feel enough so we came up with this plan instead.”
The famous Albert Dock will represent one nostril of the greatest human being ever, while the Cavern club, where the Beatles first rose to prominence, will be moved brick by brick to form part of his right foot.
“When viewed from space the city will look like Stevie G, wearing full red home kit, in a pose similar to when he strikes a ball from thirty yards that nestles sweetly in the top corner. We rejected suggestions to have him launching in to an ill-judged two-footed tackle in the direction of Manchester, or slipping over to throw away his chances of a Premier League winners’ medal.”
Everton fans have not been consulted about the plans but will have to either paint their houses red or leave.