“Trust me. I’m the Home Secretary, I know what I’m doing.”
Deaths from mood-altering-yet-legal substances remain stubbornly stuck down in double figures, according to a new Home Office report.
Home Secretary Theresa May wrote the foreword but denies some of its apparent support for decriminalising drugs, or indeed having read her own department’s report.
“It was a Home Office report on drugs,” carped Mrs May “why would I bother to read it? They’ve always said the same thing – how could I possibly know this one would be any different?”
The Home Secretary is disappointed by the low numbers of deaths from legal-high recorded in the report. She is now considering whether she can quietly slip in those from alcohol and tobacco, to bolster her case for more stringent drug legislation.
“If we can include the annual 120,000 deaths from alcohol and tobacco, without actually identifying their cause” said an adviser to Mrs May”that will give the Daily Mail an excuse to let Peter Hitchens and Melanie Phillips out of their cages again.”
“The trick in all this will be rousing the rabble, without affecting financial support for the Tories from the alcohol and tobacco industries.”
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