With the impending retirement of Matt Smith as Doctor Who, the BBC have commissioned a special, one-off programme to be aired this evening that will announce they have lost the broadcast rights to the cult sci-fi classic.
Following in the footsteps of football, rugby and MotoGP, in-depth coverage of the time-lord’s antics will be fronted by Jake Humphrey on BT’s new television channel.
“We aim to revolutionise the way time-travel is covered in the UK with special graphics, super slow-mo and expert punditry from former Doctor Whos” Mr Humphrey explained.
The coverage of each episode will start an hour before the actual programme. Mr Humphrey, Professor Brian Cox and – in the tradition of having an ex-pro pundit that wasn’t actually that good – Sylvester McCoy will discuss the possible tactics the Doctor and his opponents may use in the upcoming episode.
Following the airing of the show, the trio will over analyse everything that happened, interview the Doctor to get his reaction to the result and take calls from fans on a section they are calling Geeks-0-Geeks.
“All of this will be presented from a BT studio that replicates the Tardis ‘police call box’ but with the added option of using phonecards, coins or credit cards” Mr Humphrey continued.
“To pay for this we will have advertising, but it will be in keeping with the type of adverts you associate with a BT call box. We shall be giving out numbers of some massage parlours and prostitutes.”