Cricket Australia have just announced that enigmatic young batsman E. X. Tras will be Michael Clarke’s replacement as Australia’s captain with immediate effect, after making the highest score of all the Australian batsmen in the fourth Test at Trent Bridge.
“Young Tras has done remarkably well to break into the team’s top scorers so quickly,” confirmed Chairman of Selectors Rod Marsh. “Many people might not even be aware that EXTras is now far and away the most skilful player in the team, so meteoric has been his rise.”
EXTras shocked the cricket world after scoring a massive 14 runs in the first innings at Trent Bridge, an impressive fourteen times the amount amassed by former star player Adam Voges, or, if you like, infinity times the total for Rogers, Warner and Marsh combined. It is thought that no player has ever eclipsed his team-mates so thoroughly, but to be honest we’re laughing too much to check.
When asked if EXTras was really that good, or whether his rise was instead merely a symptom of a disastrously poor Australian team, Marsh bristled with anger, before collapsing into tears and blaming the bigger boys for spoiling everything.
Meanwhile, Australian cheerleader Shane Warne has announced controversially that private study of his family tree has revealed that he was actually born in Eastbourne.