Tag Archives: Justin Gatlin

Justin Gatlin thanks his lawyers and the drugs industry for his success

Attention deficit disorder means a worried Gatlin can’t remember where he left his stash

Men’s 100m World Champion Justin Gatlin has paid a touching tribute to professional weasels and to the pharmaceutical industry.

“Without those guys I wouldn’t be where I am today.” said Gatlin, his eyes bulging; a sentiment shared by 99% of spectators in the London Stadium, most of whom would rather have seen Pol Pot’s evil twin brother win the race.

He was first rumbled as a drugs hoover in 2001 but Continue reading

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‘We wouldn’t call you a drugs cheat if you weren’t a drugs cheat’ BBC tell drugs cheat Gatlin

Drugs cheat Justin Gatlin, some time after his second drugs ban

Drugs cheat Justin Gatlin, some time after his second drugs ban

After drugs cheat Justin Gatlin’s decision to boycott British media because he keeps being labelled a drugs cheat, the BBC have explained to him that he wouldn’t be referred to as a drugs cheat if he wasn’t a drugs cheat.

The drugs cheat sprinter, who has twice been banned for failing drugs tests, is unhappy that British media are focussing on his history of failing drugs tests (twice) rather than his career best 100m times, which are being achieved with the long-term benefits still in his system of the drugs that he has been banned for taking. Twice. Continue reading

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Justin Gatlin to try taking even more drugs

Right, time for some more drugs

Right, time for some more drugs

After seeing his World Championship gold medal hopes dashed, drugs-cheat Justin Gatlin has vowed to take more and more drugs until he eventually beats Usain Bolt.

Gatlin started the race as favourite but was beaten by one hundredth of a second and now believes that the long-term benefits of the performance enhancing drugs he has already taken may not be enough to achieve his goals. Continue reading

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