Celebrity thought vacuum Joey Essex has been awarded an honorary D-grade in GCSE expressive arts.
The qualification was presented by Spencer Chadwick of the Shining Future Academy and IT Achievement Haven, after it was noticed that his work inspired teachers and parents to see even the thickest children in a new light.
“This is a great honour”, said Essex. “Would you like my autograph? I can nearly do it now. Does this make me a doctor? How many numbers are there in ‘reem’?”
“Essex inspires us not to give up on even the most grating of our mouth-breathing morons”, soothed Headmaster Chadwick. “Idiocy is no longer a taboo, in fact it’s now something to celebrate.”