A pub in Harold has been vandalised by a ‘drunk squirrel’, which went on to clone a credit card and watch pornography.
The incident was discovered by the landlord of the Squirrel Lickers Arms, after he returned from a mushroom exploring course in the woods.
“Yeah, it was definitely a squirrel, and it was off its head”, said Eddie. “The little scamp had eaten all the peanuts, and accidentally knocked a beer tap to ‘on’.”
“Then it apparently opened a bottle of wine, using its little squirrel hands to operate a cork screw. And then it made an electronic copy of my credit card, and watched some appalling filth.”