Parliament will be recalled today to discuss the logistics of sending troops into Syria. With most of our soldiers in Afghanistan, in hospital or in the dole queue, MPs will discus the viability of sending in Air Cadets and Scouts.
Defence Secretary Philip Hammond said: “to do nothing would be immoral, but like a really crap game of risk we have run out of soldiers to send in.”
“Sending in Air Cadets and Scouts is our only hope, especially as I found out last night ‘Dad’s Army’ was fictional and not a fly-on-the-wall documentary.”
Clegg, Cable and Alexander await release
After Amnesty International described it as ‘unlawful detention’, the UK government has agreed to release its Lib Dem detainees. Believed to have been captured around the time of the 2010 election, the prisoners led by Nick Clegg have been ritually humiliated.
Defence Secretary Philip Hammond explained “these detainees were originally held for strategic purposes. Although some say it goes against the Geneva Convention, Clegg has proven himself to be a very useful human shield.”
Records show that the use of Lib Dem’s ended ‘many months ago’, yet David Cameron has decided to keep them locked up in coalition, a move the International Red Cross has called barbaric. However Mr Hammond defended his leader’s decision claiming he “could not guarantee the Lib Dem’s safety if they were handed back over to the public.”
The prison camp is believed to be located within the confines of 10 Downing Street, but those being held captive have only recently been able to get access to a lawyer to represent them. With many claiming this representation should have been offered at the tax payer’s expense long before now, the Defence Secretary told us that it had in fact been offered many times over a year ago.