A brand new Brexit Deal, drawn up by Banksy, will self-destruct as soon as it is signed.
The framework for the Deal is being kept a closely guarded secret, but insiders say it satisfies the demands of Leavers, Remainers and the EU.
“At first glance, the work lacks detail,” said Harold artist Beryl Blythe who was granted access to the piece, “but, when you step back, you see he has managed to stencil-in a solution to the Irish Border issue, draw up a workable plan for continuing trade and solve the question of free movement, all with lovely flowing lines and soft forms.”
“It makes Chequers look like an Etch-a-Sketch Brexit,” admitted Mrs May after seeing the New Deal at a private preview.
Boris Johnson is also very happy with the proposals. “It’s a work of art,” he said, “with clearly-defined borders. I like that.”
And Brussell’s man Jean-Claude Juncker described the work as ‘irréprochable’ (faultless).
“The only snag,” explained Beryl Blythe, “is a self-destruct mechanism cunningly hidden in the framework. As soon as the Deal is signed, it will shred itself and leave both the UK and the EU in tatters. I guess it’s a metaphor for the Farage Effect.”
The City has welcomed the Banksy initiative, with Mark Carney saying that the very act of Brexit Self-Destruction could instantly add billions to the London Stock Exchange value.
As a bonus for live viewers, the Deal Signing Finale will feature Mrs May clinging to a helium-filled balloon and floating off heavenward, ultimately disappearing into the upper atmosphere.
[Image credit: By LYDIA and her SALAD DAYS – Flickr: BANKSY : LONDON, CC BY-SA 2.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=19378748 ‘Girl with Heart Balloon’]