“I’ve no idea what WTO means” agreed part-time village idiot Alec Fairchild today “but I’m sure Jacob Rees-Mogg has my best interests at heart and he is definitely not betting against the UK by setting up loads of businesses in Dublin.”
“Of course you have to have rules,” Fairchild acknowledged, speaking at Harold’s Squirrel Lickers Arms, where he’s pub-bore in residence.
“If Anthony Joshua just went round beating people up at random he’d never get anywhere in the rankings. He’s a heavyweight champion because he follows WBO rules. Oh, wait a minute. That’s boxing isn’t it? But it’s the same thing with trade. Do I mean WBO?” he asked, with a slight frown. “Or is it WWF? Or WTF? ”
“You have to be tough doing business round the world, like Donald Trump is” explained Fairchild, who once scored a 5% discount on a market stall tea set. “It’s a simple scheme. If they can’t pay your tariffs, hit them with sanctions.”