Theresa May’s Cabinet remains divided over which plan it will put forward to be rejected by the EU’s negotiating team, five minutes after they receive it.
David Davis, who still needs help with his shoe laces, is in favour of the Frying Pan option, arguing this will allow the country more time to arrange a smooth transition to the Fire, sometime after Brexit Day, 29th March 2019.
In contrast, Liam Fox, whose only business experience is negotiating cheap hotel deals for his best friend, is said to favour going straight into the Fire. “Then we can sell the Frying Pan on eBay to finance the NHS. I’ve never mentioned it before but I used to be a doctor you know.” said Mr Fox, adding “Hold on, ‘eBay’? Is that something to do with the EU?”
Meanwhile, Michael Gove has been criticised for ripping up a report on customs partnerships with his bare hands. A Defra spokesperson explained that though this might appear an unseemly, frankly risible show of strength, the Minister “was just preparing some kindling for a Chequers barbecue later this week”.