“I accidentally ate four packets of chocolate chip cookies in the back of the car on the way home from Tesco,” Barney told the Evening Harold, “and then puked all over the rear seat.”
Sensing his owner was a bit narked, Barney made a bolt for it when they reached home, grabbing the car key from the ignition in his mouth and putting the car in lockdown mode. He then buried the key ‘somewhere in the back garden’.
Half an hour later, Barney decided to check on his owner, who seemed to be taking a long time to bring the shopping in, only to see him gasping for air inside the steamed up car and writing ‘EM PLEH’ in yoghurt on the windscreen.
“I’ve no idea what that meant,” said Barney, “but it was clear I needed to take decisive action so I dialled 999 on the house phone and barked the situation into the mouthpiece as best I could.”
“Imagine my surprise when a fire engine turned up and the yellow helmets smashed all the car windows with axes, hosed the old man down and did mouth-to-mouth on him. Boy, was he livid. He came at me like a wingback but luckily got tackled to the ground by six big, strong firemen.”
“PC Anita Flegg was on the scene in no time, warned him about his language, then tasered him in the face before arresting him for threatening violence towards an animal. Talk about gratitude.”