Amber Rudd has resigned to focus on apologising for her performance as Home Secretary.
“Being Home Secretary and apologising for being useless at it are both full time roles.” said Rudd last night “I chose the apologising one, although to be honest I’m not very good at that, either. Sorry.”
Rudd hopes that by improving her apologising she’ll avoid the need to apologise for her apologising and then having to choose between the two.
“Looking back on my career, the clues were all there.” says Rudd “Being involved with companies that went tits up, it was odds-on that I’d balls this up. Luckily, this time it wasn’t anything important like millionaires’ cash. It was only people’s lives I ruined.”
Meanwhile, the PM wants Rudd back in government, even at the Home Office, as soon as possible. “She’s was so much better at it than the one before her,” said a Downing Street source. “No, I agree, the bar wasn’t set very high.”