Orange-u-tan blocked from UK

Donald exhibiting rudimentary human-like behaviour

An American circus cannot bring it’s prize giant orange-u-tan to London over fears the animal will become stressed by all the public attention.

The Republican Circus had hoped to cash in on it’s giant primate Donald who has amazed American people with his ability to exhibit rudimentary signs of human behaviour. The orange-u-tan can grunt and sniff as a form of speaking, and perhaps more controversially, some say Donald has the ability to communicate simple concepts through tweeting.

The RSPCA welcomed the decision to prevent the orange-u-tan being bought to the UK with CEO Michael Ward saying exploiting animals for commercial gain is cruel.

“The Republican Circus is pretending Donald is some sort of genius, and a stable one at that, but our information is his handlers have provided him with an infinite amount of keyboards and still it’s hard to find one Donald tweet that even resembles a real sentence” said Mr Ward.

“People want to believe Donald exhibits human characteristics because they see him tweet ‘Sad!’ without pausing to consider that ‘s’, ‘a’, and ‘d’ are right next to each other on the keyboard. I doubt people would consider Donald human if they knew that his form of courtship is grabbing a female by her private parts and dragging them into his Mar-a-lago enclosure.”

The Republican Circus reacted to the ban by pointing out that they’ve previously been able to exhibit George in the UK without any major problems, excepting perhaps a small war in Iraq.

“It’s basically discrimination” said Republican Circus leader Paul Ryan.

“We let the UKIP Circus bring Nigel to the US and we had no problem in using him in our Circus – while Nigel couldn’t communicate like Donald you just had to say ‘advisory referendum’ and he literally went apeshit much to the delight of the crowd.”

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