The fireworks are mere farts with tiny sparks and the hot dogs sadness loaded with fried regrets and ‘I can’t believe this is happening’ sauce for many Americans today as they spend the 4th July wondering if ditching the Brits was worth it now it’s lead to President Donald Trump.
“It was okay for the first two hundred and forty-one years however now I’m not so sure,” keen patriot Chapman Baxter told us. “We’ve had great presidents whose names and deeds will never die and obscure ones and in George W the first non-sentient one but now we’re being led by Tiny Hands: the sociopathic orange. Suddenly having to pay you guys tax and sing God Save the Queen seems like a pretty sweet deal.”
“We don’t mind giving up independence if it means getting rid of him but we only want Queen Liz. Seeing as how we’re currently enduring an out-of-touch fool who meddles in everything and isn’t the slightest bit intelligent we’d rather not have anything to do with Charles.”