Shortly after David Davis said that Brexit was “‘as complicated as moon landing”, conspiracy theorists across the country muttered “It’ll all be faked.”, tapped their noses, and adopted knowing smiles.
Harold conspiracy theorist Adam Cassidy, who knows that cannabis cures cancer, aliens landed at Roswell, and Tories have your best interests at heart, says the 1978 documentary Capricorn One proves that governments repeatedly fool the public.
Cassidy and fellow lunatics expect that David Davis will arrive soon at Pinewood and begin shooting key scenes.
“I actually saw him on TV last night and for a while thought the fakery had already begun” says Cassidy “but apparently leaden-footed progress with wooden but implausibly confident speech is his usual style. Watch the coverage when it appears, if you look carefully you’ll see Nigel Farage directing the actors.”
Meanwhile Paul Watts, the manager of Tesco Express in the High Street reports sales of tin foil have spiked to a level not seen since the Dianathon of 1997.