Moral vacuum in an expensive suit marred by a condescending, inappropriate NHS lapel badge, Jeremy Hunt, will launch an enquiry into the crisis afflicting hospitals up and down the country.
Speaking exclusively to the BBC, Mr Hunt first winked then, as the cameras started filming, he sobbed “I can’t help thinking that someone must be responsible for this utter shambles.”
Holding a sliced onion just off-camera, MrHunt wiped tears from his cheeks and sniffled “You know, an individual, an actual person, probably a Junior Doctor or whoever was the last Labour Health Secretary, to whom blame might be attached. Does anyone come to mind? I’m prepared to throw the book at them.”
Warming to his task, with no apparent sense of irony, the Health Secretary conceded that the NHS in England is facing “completely unacceptable” problems. There was, he said, “no excuse” for some of the difficulties “unfortunately highlighted” by the BBC, whose charter remains under review.
“I still have good contacts with the Derpartment of Culture, Media & Sport” he went on, “and I don’t just mean my employer, Rupert Murdoch.”