Colleagues of Alec Fairchild no longer even look up when, unprompted, he raises vital issues such as his VW Golf’s 0-60 times.
“Did I tell you it’s the GT model?” he asks most days, whilst his co-workers stare fixedly at their computers.
Fairchild, a pub bore from Harold, likes to share the burden of his condition with people at work, who don’t have the option of suddenly remembering an urgent appointment in the other bar.
“She’s much cheaper to run than a GTi” he usually says, “but almost as fast.” often adding, as if, as an afterthought, “Especially when she’s driven by somone who knows how to handle her”.
Apparently “most people” can’t tell the difference between the GT and the GTi “unless they’re real petrol heads” says Fairchild,unaware of the irony that it is exactly such people who will a) actually give a toss, and b) mark him down accordingly as ‘a lightweight’.
“In many ways, it’s the thinking man’s ideal car.” says Fairchild, from time to time. “The Joan Bakewell of the car enthusiast’s world.”
Barry from accounts has a real Golf GTi but parks round the corner from the office, rather than risk daily discussions.