RAF parcel bombing will deliver “authentic Black Friday experience”


“Sorry you were out”

The RAF will be delivering all Harold’s on-line Black Friday orders in just one big drop on Monday morning; from 10,000 feet.

Villagers wanting the full Black Friday experience, but too lazy to go all the way to the metropolis that is Dunstable, will still get one by packing into Harold Thursday’s 5-a-side pitch like sardines, and then having a shower of broken tat dropped on their heads.

“We’d hoped to get low level runs along the River Gluggle by the Battle of Britain Memorial flight.” said former Bond girl and animal sanctuary owner Emilie Bourdain.

“But they can’t fly that low now; not since the unpleasantness with the dams. You must remember the film, with Richard Todd? Dear Dickie – he did all his own stunts you know, although I’m not sure if he flew the plane. I’m certain he didn’t do the bouncing bomb – they used an oil drum and so will the RAF on Monday. The villagers should break it’s fall and it’s all part of the fun.”

Mayor Rufus D. Jackson later issued the following statement: “All Viking villagers are reminded that shite falling from the sky is commerce and not a judgement from Tyr. PC Flegg says you are to stay calm and have some mead. Anyone declaring war on the heavens (again) will be tasered in the face”.

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