RAF parcel bombing will deliver “authentic Black Friday experience”

lancaster

“Sorry you were out”

The RAF will be delivering all Harold’s on-line Black Friday orders in just one big drop on Monday morning; from 10,000 feet.

Villagers too lazy to go to Dunstable but wanting the authentic Black Friday fun can still get the experience by packing into Harold Thursday’s 5-a-side pitch like sardines, and then having a load of multi-coloured broken tat dropped on their heads.

“We’d hoped to get low level runs along the River Gluggle by the Battle of Britain Memorial flight.” said former Bond girl, animal sanctuary owner Emilie Bourdain.

“But they can’t fly that low now; not since the unpleasantness with the dams. You must remember the film, with Richard Todd? Dear Dickie – he did all his own stunts you know, although I’m not sure if he flew the plane. I’m sure he didn’t do the bouncing bomb – they used an oil drum for that and so will the RAF. A good crowd of villagers should break it’s fall and will all be part of the fun.”

Mayor Rufus D. Jackson later issued the following statement: “All Viking villagers are reminded that shite falling from the sky is commerce and not a judgement from Tyr. PC Flegg says you are to stay calm and have some mead. Anyone declaring war on the heavens (again) will be tasered in the face”.

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