Shouty gnome on a mission to make everything at least twelve per cent more dreadful, Nicolas Sarkozy, has made a speech calling for Disneyland Paris to be moved to the other side of the Channel.
“It’s a perfectly reasonable demand,” he said. “We French can control our weight and our children whereas the British seem incapable of doing either. Why should we suffer them lumpenly waddling around and complaining that the weather in this theme park is not as good as the weather in the one located in Florida? The British people voted to take back their freedom so to them I say, good, now you can take that massive, prissy mouse, his uptight girlfriend and any other Disney character who wants to migrate to Britain too.”
Sarkozy said that if he became the next President of France he would consider the compromise of Disneyland being located thirteen miles into the channel tunnel but only if staff are allowed to offer even ruder and more glacially slow service than they already do.