“I think I’ve got AIDS, and Dropsy. And Dengue Fever. Probably Zika too. Worst of all, I’ve got slightly dry skin on my upper arm that literally could be ANYTHING. I’m hoping a billion pounds will cover it” said Harold identity Sally Evans.
Evans said the NHS were unsympathetic to her plight, which is why she was forced to fundraise.
“They say they can’t help me, they say the problem is in my head, and I was like ‘shit, so I have brain cancer too'” said a disconsolate Ms Evans.
Evans said every little bit counts, and even as little as £1,000,000 could see her get to the bottom of what she suspects is a bad case of Scrofula.
“I don’t even know what Scrofula is, which is what makes it so worrying. Should I take two aspirin or amputate my leg? Would going gluten-free help?”
Ms Evans said she’d read on the Internet that hypochondria can now be treated with very powerful placebos, but she doubted that would help her.
“I’ve heard they can make you double blind” said Evans.