GCSEs are officially less challenging than pulling a greasy stick out of a dead dog’s arse according to everyone who’s forgotten what taking exams is like.
“Exams are ridiculously easy now,” said local estate agent Gill Gates, 42. “I bet kids get an A star if they collect enough Pokémon.”
“By the time today’s sixteen year olds have been forcibly separated from their phones, been given umpteen trigger warnings and all had a lie down in a specially designated safe space there can’t be much time left to answer questions,” said Col. Thomas Hallet, 63. “You can probably get an early place at Cambridge these days if you can impress the dons with your singing and tragic backstory.”
One hundred per cent of middle-aged and older villagers who don’t own teenagers that we spoke to expressed similar sentiments. One hundred per cent of middle-aged and older villagers who do were too busy celebrating the end of two years of hell to comment.