Julie Kettle, a shopkeeper from Harold, says people are constantly saying ‘oh, you’re a vegan’ and it gets a bit boring having to reply ‘yes I am, and I don’t even think about succulent bacon-wrapped pork tenderloin flavoured with smoked paprika and mustard’.
“I never see meat eaters forced to say they never even think of eating organic kale and quinoa salad, so why should I have to explain that I have absolutely zero interest in succulent bacon-wrapped pork tenderloin flavoured with smoked paprika and mustard and drizzled with brown sugar?” said Ms Kettle.
“People don’t say it to my face, but it’s as if they think I’ve got nothing better to do all day than obsess about sprinkling the smoked paprika and mustard on the pork tenderloin, wrapping it in succulent bacon, drizzling the brown sugar on top, and then baking it for 40 minutes on a medium heat.”
“People probably think I fantasize about taking the succulent bacon-wrapped pork tenderloin out of the oven, and smelling the aroma of bacon and pork mixed with the paprika and mustard, before bringing the whole concoction to my lips and taking an enormous bite of brown sugar-drizzled succulent bacon-wrapped pork tenderloin paprika and mustard infused heaven.”
Well I don’t” explained Ms Kettle.
“Anyway, studies have shown that eating red meat increases the risk of bowel cancer so why would I be the slightest bit interested in risking my health just for a bite, or maybe lots of bites, of succulent bacon-wrapped pork tenderloin just because it might taste delicious? Plenty of vegan meals taste just as delicious, such as the chickpea and, I think it was spinach, dish I had at Veggie! Veggie! Veggie! last week.”
“I think what it comes down to are people are jealous that I’m vegan and are also jealous that I don’t spend every waking moment thinking about succulent cooked to perfection bacon-wrapped pork tenderloin infused with smoked paprika and dry English mustard with a sprinkling of sea salt and drizzled brown sugar” said Julie Kettle before she burst into tears.