Following the news that the UK’s national deficit has risen to its highest level ever under the Conservative government, Chancellor George Osborne has admitted that he only recently learned that it was supposed to be going down, not up.
“I supposed it’s a bit embarrassing,” he confessed to journalists this morning. “I thought a deficit was like a DEPOSIT, something you want more of.”
“So I’ve been trying to make it go higher – very successfully, I thought. I just goes to show you never know.”
When asked whether he thought that being in charge of the nation’s finances meant he ought to have a grasp of basic arithmetic, the chancellor insisted he was the right man for the job.
“Down, not up,” he confirmed. “Look, I’ve had little arrows painted on my shoes to remind me.”
“So I just have to remember that high is bad, low is good. That’s easy. It’s the opposite of golf scores.”
Osborne insisted that despite his error, he remained passionately committed to improving the nation’s finances.
“This is why it’s so important that Britain doesn’t leave the Euro,” he explained.