As the UK was awarded its Specialist Snowflake in the Whole EU badge last night, David Cameron puzzled everyone by saying “I will be campaigning with all my heart and soul to persuade the British people to remain in the reformed EU that we have secured today” despite having spent every waking moment since 2010 proving that he possesses neither.
“Heart and soul,” said Harold’s Viking Party MP, Nigel Thorvald. “Perhaps the PM could give an account of where his heart is in policies that have seen people kill themselves following hounding by the DWP. And indeed he could also inform us all as to what’s soulful about destroying the NHS. Those are just two examples of the many I could give which to me suggest less heart and soul and more dark arts and arsehole. But I understand he only calls George that second one on special occasions.”