EU ‘inners’ and ‘outers’ have both prayed in aid the late Margaret Thatcher, leaving many uncertain about which way she wants them to vote.
Norman Tebbit who’s cadaverous appearance lends weight to his claim to know Mrs Thatcher’s current views, has been widely quoted across all news media, dismissing claims that she would vote for David Cameron’s EU deal.
Luckily, help is at hand in the shape of Harold’s top medium, Rawley Riley. Riley has offered to resolve the issue by inviting the ghost of the late PM to a darkened room, full of incense and gullible idiots. “I’m just like so psychic, yah? Really, really in tune with, you know, people who’ve totally crossed over. It’s majorly a gift. I’ve always wanted to meet Meryl Streep, too.”
Meanwhile, several traumatised villagers, who’d only half heard the radio news at the end of a long session at the Squirrel Lickers Arms, were later treated for shock at Dunstable Royal Infirmary. “Oh my god, oh my god,” mumbled one, rocking back and forth, “she’s still alive isn’t she?”