With John Terry out of contract this summer, Chelsea are keen to bring in a replacement of equal stature and reputation, to please their renowned racist fans.
Jim Davidson is already the bookies’ favourite to be the next non-playing Chelsea captain.
“I’ve been a lifelong Charlton fan” he said “but the chance of performing racist and sexist routines at the highest level again was to good to resist.”
“John Terry is a big act to follow but I’ve got the name and reputation to do so.”
“I’d have loved to have stayed at Chelsea” explained Terry “but sadly the club’s moving in a new direction and won’t even accept racist chants next season.”
“The writing was on the wall, ” he mused philosophically “it read ‘Fck off Terry, you fcking white c*nt.”