Following the arrest of the so-called “Ginger Terrorist” who planned to murder Prince Charles, Prime Minister David Cameron has announced that British bomber planes will immediately begin pre-emptive strikes in Scotland to counter the Ginger extremist threat.
The Ginger Terrorist hoped to make royal ginger Harry next in line to the throne, as a first step in a glorious Ginger Revolution, which would see the rest of the country forever under the auburn jackboot of the carrot-topped army.
Cameron plans to attack known centres of ginger extremism, such as Glasgow, where over 90% of the population are thought to support gingerist causes.
The reaction of the rest of the world has been unusually positive, with Amnesty International admitting “We don’t actually have a problem with this one.”
Many normal brown-haired people have suggested that moderate gingers, by not condemning their extremist cousins, are implicitly supporting them, with the “strawberry blonde” movement coming in for particular criticism.
Others fear that a bombing campaign will only lead to an influx of displaced ginger refugees flooding into traditionally non-ginger areas, with all the cultural problems that the arrival of these traditionally fiery people would entail.
The Daily Mail has already begun running scare stories about the “ginger menace”, with the shocking revelation that many are dyeing their hair or wearing hats to get past border controls. The public have been urged to be vigilant, showing extra caution for anyone who appears to be wearing a large tartan cap with lots of curly hair tucked up under it.