A top Tory, who’d denied being aware of bullying complaints before 2015, said today “Ah, I remember it now! At first, I thought the 2010 dossier was Iain Duncan Smith’s new policy for the disabled; then that it was a draft of a Jeffrey Archer novel”.
“Of course, with hindsight it was too well written, the plot wasn’t unbelievable and I didn’t want to scratch my eyes out. I feel such a fool.”
A 20-page dossier, detailing a culture of internal party bullying, was given to party chairman Lord Feldman in 2010, according to the account of a former activist, himself said to be a victim of bullying. Feldman denies this.
A Conservative spokesperson explained how the party has taken the allegations seriously following the death of a young volunteer who, it is believed, may have taken his own life after being bullied. “The death of a party activist is undoubtedly a tragedy for him and his family. The deaths of those who took their own lives as a result of our DWP policies aren’t nearly as important”.
“Pardon? Why? Well, several reasons; firstly we didn’t know their names and secondly they probably didn’t vote anyway. I hope that clears things up.”