The government defeat in the House of Lords has revealed a humble tunesmith’s status as international superhero, fearlessly parachuting in to vote whenever wealth or privilege are threatened.
Born plain Andrew Lloyd Webber, Baron Lloyd-Webber of Sydmonton struggled to come up with the tricky third name that hadn’t already been used, after learning there were no Puccini operas with superheroes he could rip off. He briefly toyed with Toscaman and Madame Butterflyman, before settling on “Ugly Fuckerman”.
“Whenever there is a risk of equality” explained the government chief whip Mark Harper, “Commissioner Cameron fires up the “Ugly Fuckerman-Signal” – a spotlight with a giant pound sign lighting up the sky.”
“At that point, Andrew straps on a Phantom of the Opera mask, selects a cheesy musical riff on his ipod to accompany his entrance and nobly leaps into action by voting to impoverish single parents.”