“I checked with the World Health Organisation and they said you won’t get cancer if you put part of you in the pig’s mouth, you have to put pig in your own mouth” said Cameron.
“I was quite relieved, because many years ago I came across a pig that seemed to be choking to death on an apple. The apple was jammed in the poor pig’s mouth, I couldn’t get purchase with my hands, so I just … improvised” explained Cameron.
“The chaps at the Piers Gaveston Society cheered their support as I selflessly tried to save the pig, and eventually I penetrated the pig’s mouth sufficient to dislodge the apple. Relief washed over me as I thought I’d saved the piggy’s life, but it turned out the pig had been dead for over 2 months so my efforts were in vain.”
“Some would say I was a hero that day, but of course I just did what any Eton old boy would do. I’m just thankful my good deed didn’t lead to cancer.”
“I do spare a thought for fellow Gaveston member Rupert Nobby-Stiles though” said Cameron.
“The World Health Organisation confirmed cancer would be the least of the problems for whoever ate the apple I dislodged from the pig.”