A cyclist has attempted to travel through a rural area, while not dressed as an absolute cock-end.
The incident was dismissed as a hoax at first, but police were forced to react after being inundated with calls.
“An I.C 1 cyclist was apprehended this afternoon”, said PC Flegg, “while wearing a proper shirt, and trousers too loose to reveal his religion.”
“He wasn’t streaming his route to social media, there was no mention of Team Sky anywhere on his clothing, and he was riding in a courteous manner. This idiot clearly didn’t have a clue.”
The suspect admitted that he only owned one bicycle, and seemed dumbfounded by suggestions that he ought to have several. “On top of that, he’d fitted mudguards, some lights and a bell”, exclaimed Flegg. “He wasn’t even sucking water out of his hump.”
PC Flegg allowed the ‘gentleman’ to continue his journey, but only after confiscating his clothes. “Don’t worry, he wasn’t naked, I got some teenagers to graffiti him”, she revealed.
“Yes, he is walking stiffly now, isn’t he? No, he’s not wearing tippy-tappy shoes. I think that’s probably from where I tasered him a bit.”