“For far too long, hard-working Tories have had to shoulder the baby-eating responsibilities” said Osborne as he feasted on a Bolton toddler’s succulent thigh.
“Dave, Iain, and I have even started having baby smoothies for breakfast, but it’s hard to make a dent on what seems like an almost unlimited supply of poor children.”
Osborne said if poor people ate their own babies, they would learn self-reliance, the value of hard work, and discover just how tasty babies are with proper seasoning and a glass or two of Pimms.
Prime Minister David Cameron welcomed Osborne’s modest proposal but emphasised there was no room for complacency.
“Just this morning outside Downing Street there was a group of disabled people in wheelchairs protesting against benefit cuts. I managed to push a few of them under a passing bus, but I can’t be expected to do everything myself.”