The village of Harold is at panic stations due to the revelations in the media that taking your own life and those of 150 passengers by crashing a plane is a common symptom of depression.
“I never knew!” wailed Dominic Delaney on his break from working in his café Veggie! Veggie! Veggie! “I was diagnosed with clinical depression six years ago and have been taking fluoxetine ever since. I’ve never felt the slightest urge to harm anyone but now I’ve read seen the headlines in today’s papers I realise that I am a monster who must be stopped.”
“I thought that mental illness was something that was hugely varied and needs understanding and not to be stigmatised,” PC Flegg told us as she patrolled the recreation ground. “Now I know that anyone who at any point gets sick in this way is a hopeless nutter who I’m going to have to taser then lock up for the good of the community.”
One in four people in the UK will experience mental health problems every year. Anyone who believes that automatically makes them violent criminals-in-waiting is an idiot or Paul Dacre. At the time of writing both those conditions were incurable.