On-trend families will present two turkeys for dinner this Christmas, according to experts at Britain’s turkey farms.
While one enormous, dry bird might have sufficed in the old days, stylish people are set to ‘gobble gobble’ this year.
“Imagine you’re sat amongst your loved ones, contentedly sweating off your traditional Christmas dinner”, said Harold farmer Dave Evans. “You’ve put away over 18 pounds of festive fowl between you.”
“Everyone is smiling and wheezing and undoing the top button on their big pants. Now picture their faces, when you whip out a second beige monster.”
Evans explained that farting and burping is a sign of appreciation in some cultures. That’s why refusing to eat until you’re sick could see you branded a racist.
The Turkey Grower’s Guild recommends avoiding roast potatoes, little sausages wrapped in bacon or the traditional between-courses Twix. “That’s how the hipsters save enough room for the Second Coming”, said Evans.
“But if you do find yourself with some left-overs, why not use them to stuff a third bird on Boxing day? There’s a reason turkeys have evolved to have cavities.”