Local inventors Dr Rachel Guest and Dr John Goody are overwhelmed by the success of their new anti-rape innovation. The prosthetic teeth which a woman does not put in her mouth are, according to their creators, “stylish and very, very sharp.”
The teeth kits, which are sold under the name Bite ‘n’ Begone, have clocked up sales worth over half a million pounds in their first month of release.
“We are now working on a chastity belt with a funky modern twist for the girl who wants to get drunk in public and stay safe,” said Dr Guest. “And also a chic Hannibal Lecter face mask for women who want to wear tight clothing after dark without stupidly putting themselves in danger.”
While critics of Bite ‘n’ Begone say that anti-rape devices such as these encourage victim blaming – “I spiked her drink and when I discovered no extra teeth I just assumed that meant she was up for it, m’lud” – Dr Guest and Dr Goody are quick to refute this allegation.
“Bite ‘n’ Begone is a sensible and essential piece of kit for modern life,” said Dr Goody. “I suppose the real answer to rape is to change the culture and challenge how women are perceived etc. But where’s the money in that?”