As Gaza, ebola, Iraq and flesh-eating zombies dominate the headlines – well, maybe not the zombies but would you be surprised? – the world is today facing up to a new horror: Phil Collins has announced that he is coming out of retirement.
“I can barely get my head around how violent and awful things are at the moment,” said Harold resident, Carly Jeffery. “And now this. I feel like going back to bed until it’s all blown over.”
“I am reminded of the Bard,” local actor Digby Burns told us. “Who wrote that when sorrows come, they come not in single spies, but in battalions.”
“Shakespeare can be hard to interpret however what I think he’s clearly saying here is ‘brace yourselves because now Collins is back we can only be but days away from Bono’.”