In an embarrassing admission by the British government, it has become clear that the UK is still selling arms to Russia, however firm assurances over their use have been received from Vladimir Putin by way if a ‘pinky promise’.
Speaking of his first meaningful action as foreign secretary, Philip Hammond explained he flew to Russia over night to get the pinky promise from Putin.
“Sometimes diplomacy calls for some drastic actions,” Mr Hammond explained. “Sure we could stop selling the mad man weapons of mass destruction, or sanction his country so hard he has no option but to stop backing the pro-Russian forces in the Ukraine, but after many heated discussions with him we quickly remembered he gives us most of our gas and oil.
“So using all of my negotiation skills, I made him pinky promise he would keep hold of the weapons we sell him for his own personal use, and not give them to untrained militia in another country in an attempt to give Russia an extension on the side of their country.”
The pinky promise is not officially recognised as a force to be reckoned with by the UN, which in turn is not recognised as a force to be reckoned with by Russia, giving the playground show of trust as much authority as any UN resolution.
“It is important we now have this commitment from Russia and Putin is given the chance to show he is trustworthy,” Hammond continued.
“And if he breaks this there will be real and meaningful consequences, unless of course he says ‘make friends, make friends, never never break friends’. Or turns off the gas.”