The UK experienced a slight IQ boost today as media ghoul and convicted sex offender Max Clifford was sentenced to eight years in prison for indecent assault. Without him and his particular brand of tell-all sleaze experts are predicting that the news is going to be a little less stupid until 2022.
“It’s very encouraging,” said Harold resident and media analyst, Lizzie Phillips. “First and foremost Clifford’s victims have received justice, and, taking a wider view, I predict there will be at least fifteen per cent less mind-numbingly stupid tabloid exclusives while Clifford is banged up.”
“Whenever an aspiring model sleeps with a married footballer and then feels it’s her moral duty to tell the world, Max won’t be there. Whenever a semi-finalist from the third series of X-Factor takes cocaine, Max won’t be there. And whenever someone has a picture of Prince Harry getting his orbs and sceptre out, Max won’t be there.”
“All we need now is for scientists to complete their work on the long-awaited cure for the Daily Mail and the news will be in very good shape.”
Meanwhile Clifford, a man who based his career on lurid clichés, is understood to be beginning his first hours in HMP Belmarsh fervently hoping that the ones about prison and soap aren’t true.