The Harold police force has admitted that a recent focus on ant terrorism was “almost certainly” a result of a typing error, with the number of arrests still standing at zero after more than six months of hard work.
“I went to a regional conference on policing in Luton and there was a lot going on so I struggled to keep up but made the best notes I could.” explained an embarrassed PC Flegg, “There was a whole section on anti-terrorism techniques, but it would appear that when I came to type up my notes I missed the i off anti.”
“I didn’t come to implement everything immediately and when I went back through my notes the conference wasn’t as fresh in my mind, so when I saw the section on ant terrorism I just started coming up with ideas as to how I could tackle this problem.”
The results of the typing error have included ‘stop and search’ powers being used on ants, round the clock surveillance being set up outside ant nests, and the creation of a dedicated ant terrorism hotline for members of the public to report any incidents of ants acting suspiciously.
“After six months of hard work the surveillance had not turned up anything at all and I was getting complaints about harassment from ants who felt they were being unfairly targeted by the stop and search measures.” continued PC Flegg, “I spoke to some of my colleagues on other forces to see if they were having similar problems and it emerged that I was the only person working against ant terrorism. That was when I realised my mistake.”
Despite the confusion the hotline has received a number of calls but none of them led to any concrete information about acts of terrorism, although there is a trial in progress where three hundred ants are charged with breaking and entering after being reported in a kitchen that did not belong to them.